A Saturday Rant Saturday, February 10, 2007

I just listened to the greatest song ever on Pandora. It's the greatest song ever because it has the greatest title ever. It's called Knights With Mystical Powers Battling Evil Demons (In The Presence Of Kings, Queens, Wizards & Dragons). The song is sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. This song is totally awesome and that's a fact. It's fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I love this song with all of my body (including my pee pee).

But because I heard it on Pandora, I can't specifically go back and hear it again. Oh well. I also just discovered the joys of heavy metal cello in the form of Apocalyptica. They cover Disappointica, but I can forgive them. It rocks, people. It – um – r0x0rz my s0x0rz — or something.

And just who is Disappointica? I'm glad you asked.

<rant>

I realize that my very strong opinions on this matter are probably not widely known, but I want to get it out there. Metallica was poised to be a band that transcended its genre. I firmly believe that with ... And Justice for All, Metallica achieved a sound so uniquely their own, so powerful in its beautiful dissonance that it ceased being heavy metal. It's Metallica.

Yes, their lyrics and subject matter could sound puerile because it lacked subtlety, but more often than not, Metallica was able to produce something that sounded like a hungering beast, a fiery and sometimes virtuosic expression of anger.

The black album was the transition. Let me explain why. It was two different albums: songs like "Through the Never" and "Of Wolf and Man" are great songs and sound, to me, more like songs that the Metallica who wrote Justice would have written. But "Don't Tread on Me" makes me annoyed every time I hear it. Sandman is undecided, but that's not the point. Once you get past the Black Album, what do you have? That's right. The aptly-named Load. They're now trying to sound like other bands, when everyone used to want to sound like them. They gave up on doing what made them great: telling everyone else (like the cheese factory that is mainstream music) to f*ck off.

So I dub thee Disappointica.

</rant>