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"Your 'reality', sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever."
— Karl Friedrich Hieronymus, Freiherr von M√ľnchhausen

Tomb of Horrors

One of my earliest role-playing experiences was playing good old first edition AD&D with my brother way back in the early eighties. Dungeon Module S1: Tomb of Horrors was one of the first modules I had seen, and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. There were these great illustrations of the various traps throughout the module, like the mosaic floor, the carved demon's head whose mouth was a Sphere of Annihilation, and the skeleton with a pair of scimitars that sprung out of a chest. After all, that's what D&D was – kill the monsters, get the treasure, avoid the devious traps.

Well, WoTC has updated my favorite module for 3.5 and has posted those very illustrations online. Check it out.

He Who Knows, Knows

This is a pretty funny beer commercial with an odd slogan. Couldn't identify the language, though. Some Scandanavian language? Finnish maybe?

The Gender Jihad

As reported by the BBC, the first international congress on Islamic feminism is to be held in Spain, bringing together some 300 delegates to advance the cause of women's liberation in the Islamic world. The organizers are calling for a "gender jihad," saying that the nearly medieval status of women in Muslim socieities is the result of chauvanistic interpretations of the Koran. They argue that by challenging these traditional interpretations, they can achieve equality while maintaining their Muslim identity.

This sounds nice on paper, but the reason they're meeting in Spain is because they'd be killed in Iran. Personally, I find it hard to take a woman seriously when she's shouting about equality from behind a veil.

All Your Base Are Belong To Us

If you're a geek, then this simple, incomprehensible phrase sends chills down your spine. But I'm not really sure why. What does it mean? Well... on the face of it, it looks like a line for a retarded bad guy from a foreign film, and that's almost exactly what it is... a terrible attempt at translating Japanese video game dialogue into English. But the deeper meaning is something far more insidious.

It means you're conquered. It means you've been defeated. It's a claim of unbridled dominance in disturbing way that only Anime can achieve. Sort of like Patsy's Miam! Miam! Hap!, it's inexplicable why things like this linger in our minds. But take my advice: don't think about it too long. Before you know it, you'll be sucked into a demon dimension and be subjected to unspeakable tortures like in La Blue Girl.

The World of Warcraft CCG

Yep. Upper Deck has the rights to produce a collectible card game based on the popular World of Warcraft MMORPG by Blizzard. There's talk of foil cards with codes that you can use to gain in-game items and change your character's appearance. Details are scant as the release is some time away, but I know at least some of the people who read this blog might be interested...

Yoda: The Programming Language

Searching you have been, yes? Not verbose enough VB is? Behold! Yoda: The Programming Language. Say more need I?

Who Let the Dogs Out?

To quote Tutor from alt.sports.football.pro.ny-jets: being a Jets fan is like waiting for a blind date only to get one of these.

Chad Overpaid

FOX Sports has a list of the top 10 most overpaid players in the NFL and Chad is #9. Maybe it's not his fault that the team is taking a $15M cap hit next year for him, but it sure sucks for the fans.

Reminds Me of Me

This Sinfest was written with me in mind. Tatsuya Ishida is the man.

Saddam's Trial May Be Televised

The BBC reports that Saddam Hussein's trial may be shown on television. Our society is so spectacle-obsessed it sickens me. Yeah, yeah, I know the trial will be in Iraq, but you and I both know that the government was put in place by Americans, is kept in power by Americans, and is acting in the interest of Americans. So are we Americans now going to try and potentially execute Saddam Hussein?

Capital punishment is barbaric, plain and simple. Murder is immoral whether it is done by you, me, the guy next door, or the government.

Political Thuggery

Did you know that the Republicans hold such control over the House of Representatives that they can even reverse a vote? Did you know that a vote in the House can be changed after it has been counted? Me neither. Thanks, Patsy, this one was enlightening.

Executive Order 13233

A New York Times op-ed piece published yesterday opened my eyes to yet another of the Bush administration's underhanded maneuvers to advance its own agenda in spite of and in opposition to the will of the people. Executive Order 13233 forbids release of a former president's private papers without the consent of both that former Chief Executive and the current Commander-in-Chief. This means that even after God's President has left office, we may never know exactly how far he went. I would lambaste him for such a patently self-serving act, but then again, putting a gag order on history is right in line with his anti-intellectual position in general. Who needs free thought when we have ignorant imperialism to do thinking for us?

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America: Fuck Yeah

This isn't exactly a review so much as an homage to a great satire. Team America: World Police was very, very funny, mixing equal parts South Park, G.I. Joe, Star Wars, James Bond, Thunderbirds and Top Gun. You know the movie is brilliant when it boils the world down to three kinds of people: dicks, pussies and assholes:

We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks! And the Film Actors' Guild!.. are pussies. And Kim Jong Il!.. is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks!.. because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way, but the only thing that can fuck an asshole... is a dick... with some balls. The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much, or fuck when it isn't apporoporate, and it takes a pussy to show 'em that. But sometimes pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are only an inch and a half away from assholes. I don't know much in this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don't let us fuck this asshole, we are gonna have our dicks and our pussies... all covered in shit.

BSR (Base Show Rating): 8/10
Applicable Modifiers:
  • +2 if you enjoy full-on, hard-core puppet sex, including scatophilia
  • -2 if you think people like Sean Penn should be involved in politics

A Win is a Win

The Jets won, contrary to my dire prediction. And even though I can't stand the fact that it was Vinny who got the win, I guess we'll take it. But if this means we lose position in the Leinart sweepstakes, is this a good thing?

Interceptaverde Returns

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse for the green-and-white, the ineptitude of the Jets management team pulls through with the most boneheaded play yet. Vinny Testaverde was named the starter for the game against the Buccaneers on Sunday.

The QB situation is so ridiculous that it's even become a joke to our opponents. Look – nobody thinks it's easy to win games with a third-string QB, but give the kid a chance. He made his first NFL start and while he was certainly nervous, it was the dropped passes and the swiss-cheese offensive line that ensured that the Jets sucked. Once again, we played Hermball – instead of playing to win, the Jets played not to lose.

My prediction: the Jets lose 21-6, with Vinny throwing at least three picks. Man, this football season gets worse every week. Week 1: Fumble-mania. Week 2: The Dolphins beat themselves. Week 3: QB Armageddon. Week 4: The Bollinger charade. Week 5: Interceptaverde Returns...

Rumble in the Everglades

Yahoo! News reports:

A 13-foot Burmese python recently burst after it apparently tried to swallow a live, six-foot alligator whole, authorities said.
These pythons, mostly abandoned pets, can threaten humans. But according to wildlife biologist Joe Wasilewski, "I don't think this is an imminent threat. This is not a 'Be afraid, be very afraid' situation."


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Sinfest by Tatsuya Ishida

Order of the Stick by Rich Burlew
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The Red Bull Diary is the personal pulpit and intellectual dumping-ground for its author, an amateur game designer, professional programmer, political centrist and incurable skeptic. The Red Bull Diary is gaming, game design, politics, development, geek culture, and other such nonsense.