Our Final Dose of Star Wars Mania Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Despite Jar-Jar Binks and comparisons to Titanic, I can't help but feel a twinge of sadness that we may have truly seen the last of Star Wars. And it's not so much the movies themselves, but the cultural phenomenon that I will miss. Star Wars Mania -- the mind-clouding effect that a cult film has on its hapless, misled fans -- is rampant once again, but sadly this may be the last chance we have to laugh at the victims.

Star Wars Mania takes many forms, but follows the general pattern of causing irrational behavior when dealing with anything related to the series. Most of the time, this is completely harmless, causing eccentric but amusing behavior, such as creating an entire fan site dedicated entirely to a Jedi who appeared on-screen in Episode I for a few seconds.

But not every victim is so lucky. For example, consider the unadulterated geek hate for Jar-Jar, inspiring lists such as 590 ways Jar-Jar should die? Does a fictional character really deserve this kind of malice? No, of course not, but it is the peculiar effect of Star Wars Mania that causes such prodigious amounts of time and energy to be expended in hating him.

Still a victimless crime, you say? What about the poor Star Wars Kid, whose self-indulgent light saber fantasies led to a hundred remixes of his video? This kid's life has been single-handedly sabotaged by Star Wars Mania. It is a disease that does not discriminate based on race, color, or creed, but only strikes the socially-disenfranchised. And what about that seductive trap of in-depth and penetrating analysis of How Lightsabers Work? That's like crack to the weak-willed fanboy.

And reported just today by the BBC, a young couple from the UK landed in the hospital in critical condition after attempting to recreate a lightsaber duel using glass tubes and lighter fluid. Lighter fluid?! Let's hope that Lucas doesn't decide that he needs more money in a few years. Star Wars Mania claims countless geek lives every film and it must be stopped.