IM IN UR MANGER KILLING UR SAVIOR Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Three geeks turn a nativity scene into a LARP battle:

Really funny stuff from For Tax Reasons, who have a weird website.

Second Wiseman: Uh-oh-wait, also it has an Armor Rating of 20. It's the best armor you can have and still cast heal spells. It's the best.

I also feel obligated to point out that the third wiseman is not a real geek. He was trying to buy Highlander 2.

Other good quotes:

Third Wiseman: Remember, we must defend the child! He is the key to saving the kingdom! *CLANG* Hello? Hello? Oh my God! I'm blind! My friends, I am blind!

And "mathlete". Heh.

Basic Instructions on Windows Vista Wednesday, October 08, 2008

I found Basic Instructions when Scott Adams (Scott – your site is painfully slow) recommended it sometime back in August. Today's is about Windows Vista.

Now, you may have noticed that Microsoft has been trying some new advertising strategies. There was The Mojave Experiment which took a we secretly replaced this fine restaurant's usual coffee with Folgers Crystals approach. I was swayed, but then I read "Call me Fishmeal" and Joe Wilcox who convinced me that the campaign is wrongheaded.

Then they tried Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates. I personally like Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld so I liked the ads. But I'll admit: the message was less than clear.

Now there's "I'm a PC", which, while better, arguably is just doing Apple's work for them. But there could be something to trying to coopt the enemy's strategy.

I'm a Windows evangelist because I think Microsoft has done something few other technology companies have: created vast suites of software that truly interoperate. I agree with the Linux purists that open standards should be preferred to corporate agendas, but Microsoft's powerful market share demonstrated what an office productivity suite looked like. They won the office desktop, I don't think anyone can disagree with that.

But these ads don't play to the brand's strength: omnipresence, familiarity, business clout. Maybe they want to seem friendlier, like their cuter neighbors, the Macs. But that's not what geeks do. But if Bill Gates taught us anything, it's that the geeks could inherit the Earth.

A Truly Useful Mapping Tool Wednesday, September 10, 2008

As any kid who grew up in the US knows, if you were to dig a hole and not stop digging until you reached the other side of the planet, you'd end up in China or Australia, right? Well now you can find out just how wrong you were! This is off the charts for sheer awesomeness: an interactive mapping tool for finding antipodes – that is, for finding exactly where you'd end up if you dug a tunnel to the other side of the planet from a given spot. I found it via a Discover magazine article.

And you know what? Funny... not a single spot in the lower 48 states is directly opposite any major land mass at all. Okay, that's not 100% true... a spot in northern Montana maps to a small island near Antarctica, but that's it for the continental US. Northern Alaska maps to the edge of Antarctica and a tunnel dug in Bermuda would land you just off the coast of Perth. In order to get to China, apparently you'd have to start in Argentina.

But interestingly enough, a tunnel dug in Madrid would put you right in a hamlet called Weber, New Zealand. And Weber is right near a hill named Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu, which translates roughly as "The summit where Tamatea, the man with the big knees, the climber of mountains, the land-swallower who travelled about, played his nose flute to his loved one".

Now you know.

Cyclops! Get it? Thursday, May 29, 2008

OOTS is still pretty funny. Less geeky (Burlew just lost 10 geek points for the Lost reference – even though I am watching it, too), but funny.

EDIT

Since at least one person didn't get it: The hatch with the Dharma initiative symbol on it is the reference to Lost. The last panel in the OOTS strip was a reference to Odysseus and the Cyclops. I guess referencing ancient literature is pretty geeky, so I guess I have to give Rich Burlew his geek points back.

Star Wars in ASCII Sunday, March 30, 2008

This has got to be one of the geekiest things ever: there's a telnet server that broadcasts Star Wars Episode IV in ASCII text. Open a command prompt and type telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl and you will be treated to the entire movie in ASCII art. No joke.

This slice of geek heaven brought to you by the Red Bull by way of Lifehacker. That rocks. Never... ever... underestimate the power of the bored geek.

Architect of the Now Monday, March 10, 2008

Wired editor Adam Rogers wrote an op-ed piece for The New York Times eulogizing Gary Gygax, crediting him with grandfatherhood over all virtual vistas:

Today millions of people are slaves to Gary Gygax. They play EverQuest and World of Warcraft, and someone must still be hanging out in Second Life. (That “massively multiplayer” computer traffic, by the way, also helped drive the development of the sort of huge server clouds that power Google.)

But that’s just gaming culture, more pervasive than it was in 1974 when Dungeons & Dragons was created and certainly more profitable — today it’s estimated to be a $40 billion-a-year business — but still a little bit nerdy. Delete the dragon-slaying, though, and you’re left with something much more mainstream: Facebook, a vast, interconnected universe populated by avatars.

Maybe he's overstating, but he's not far from the point: Dungeons and Dragons changed the world that may not yet be fully appreciated by anyone but the hobby's truest disciples. It influenced an entire generation that is now coming into their own. In a very real way, Gygax was, in Rogers' words, "the architect of the now".

Gary Gygax, R.I.P. Tuesday, March 04, 2008

I am nearly speechless at the news I received today (via Damion Schubert): Gary Gygax has passed away at the age of 69. I had the honor of meeting Gary just once many years ago, at I-CON. I wanted to tell him that he had changed my life, that I was in awe of his talent, but all I could manage was a smile as I shook his hand.

Gary Gygax was instrumental in developing and popularizing a revolution in gaming. Dungeons and Dragons was something new: a game about structured stories. A game whose only limits were your imagination. D&D helped at least one lonely nerd escape his terrible childhood home life, make friends even though he didn't really know how, and discover countless hours of joy and camaraderie at the gaming table rolling dice into the wee hours of the morning. Gary Gygax made all of that possible through the sheer power of his imagination.

I know that my words can never repay the debt that I owe to him. I didn't say it when I had the chance, but I will say it now: thank you. Thank you for letting me know that I need not be ashamed of the desire to create strange new worlds. Thank you for letting me know that there are countless others who believe in heroes. Thank you for being instrumental in creating many of the friendships I cherish today. Thank you for creating the greatest game of all time.

The world at large may not realize it, but I, my friends, and millions of gamers around the world will never forget you for being a true hero of the imagination. Rest in peace, Mr. Gygax.

It's a Bird... It's a Plane... Sunday, March 02, 2008

...it's a geostationary banana over Texas!

Hulking Out Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Here is a list of every reason Dr. David Banner ever became The Incredible Hulk on the classic T.V. show. Some highlights:

• #47: Being stuck in a cab in New York rush hour traffic - "You don't understand, I have to be there by 4:00!" - "Hey, mac, it's rush hour, we ain't gettin' there til five, so relax." - "BUT I HAVE TO BE THERE BY FOUR!!!"
• #17: Receiving a lethal injection, and then having the person say, "Oh. I just gave you a lethal injection. Sorry, David."
• #20: Dealing with a pesky operator in a phone booth ("I DON'T HAVE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS!!!")
• #106: Being fed poisoned sushi

My dad used to tell us that he was the Hulk. I never saw him turn green, but I can attest to him having anger management issues. Poisoned sushi woulda really pissed him off, too.

Now Those are Some Impressive Moustaches Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Here is a fine sampling of content from the aptly-named blog, Mustaches of the Nineteenth Century. Modern mustaches like The Silver Cthulhu and El Bigote con Estilo are impressive, but The One True Moustache of Baron Munchausen remains the Holy Grail of the Philtrum.

A New Sith Monday, January 14, 2008

"A New Sith, or Revenge of the Hope: Reconsidering Star Wars IV in the light of I-III" is a fascinating reinterpretation of Star Wars that draws new conclusions based on the story presented in the first three Episodes, and every fan should read it. It's short but packed with gems like these:

Obi-Wan has spent the last 20 years in the Tattoine desert, keeping watch over Luke Skywalker and trying to decide on one of the three available options:

(A) If Luke shows no significant access to the Force, then leave him alone in obscurity

(B) If Luke shows real Force ability, then consider recruiting him as a Jedi. The rebellion needs Jedi. Now. But, if Luke shows any signs of turning out like his father, then

(C) sneak into his house one fine night and chop his head off. With great regret but it'll save a lot of trouble later on.

Knowing this to be the case, Bail Organa (perhaps at the insistence of his wife) has found excuses not to send Leia to Ben for assessment of Jedi potential, largely for fear of option C.

...

Much of Obi-Wan's behaviour in this film, and Yoda's in the next, can best be understood if they are frankly scared to death of what Luke might become. (Ben is also scared that he himself will make all the same mistakes he made with Anakin.)

...

On first seeing R2, Obi-Wan has a twinkle in his eye and calls him "my little friend". Well, he is. However, when Luke wakes up and says that R2 claimed to be owned by an Obi-Wan Kenobi, he blandly says "I don't seem to remember ever owning a droid." Ben has in fact owned several but the remark is aimed at R2 and translates as "You keep quiet. I'm not about to tell him everything just yet." Obi-Wan thinks fast and tells Luke a version of his past that does not involve a father who became a dark lord of the Sith. He wants to examine Luke a lot more closely before he risks telling him the real truth.

R2D2 and Chewbacca are master spies for the rebellion. It makes so much more sense that way. If only he could have explained away the midichlorines...

Awesome Lego Art Monday, December 17, 2007

Via the del.icio.us hotlist: proving Lego can be an artform in its own right.

And on a completely unrelated note.... drug dealers and geeks.... the side-by-side comparison.

56 Geeks Wednesday, December 05, 2007

A cute image depicting 56 flavors of geek. Note the faceless D&D Geek. Even in a list devoted to geeks, they get no respect.

Beholder Pumpkin Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Tomorrow's Halloween, the only holiday dedicated to mischief and evil rather than all of that feel-good stuff, religious stuff or government-mandated social consciousness. And Steve Jackson's Daily Illuminator helps us remember to let our inner geek shine through with this awesome picture of a Beholder pumpkin.

But sadly, this bit of text accompanying the image just ruins it:

When I was a kid, we played Dungeons and Dragons in the 5th grade. It was fun, but so complex that we had to cheat to make it more interesting. Soon afterward, I decided that riding my BMX bike was more fun and didn't do so much gaming.

I did keep one relic of these days, it is a book called the Monster Manual and it describes all sort of different monsters. Someone sent in this carving of the monster called "The Beholder". I am unsure what it is, but it looks spooky.

I wonder if the monster manual is worth anything on E-bay.

"We had to cheat to make it more interesting"? This guy sooooo missed the point.

Should I Stop Playing? Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Now that I am married, I have to add a few additional factors into my decision-making process. And apparently, I'm not the only one, because I was forwarded this flowchart from BBSpot on how "married folks" should answer that age-old question: "should I stop playing this game?"

It's Talk Like a Pirate Day Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Avast ye scurvy dogs! Today be September 19th and ye know what that means, don't ye? It be Talk Like a Pirate Day, the only day of the year when every man be a sea dog, every wench be a wench, and every enemy be damned to spend his days sleeping in Davy Jones' locker.

Arr, but what's that ye say? Ye don't know how to talk like a pirate? 'Tis naught but a little practice ye need! This video be teachin' ye all ye need know about shivering ye timbers, says I.

And fer those of ye who may know ABC's Wife Swap, ye may want to give Mad Sally's first-hand account at representin' the piratin' way of life on the show. She be weird, but ye have to respect the wench's pluck.

Now put on yer peg leg and find yerself a parrot. I want arrs all around!

Vinyl Data Thursday, July 12, 2007

This is just too damn cool not to share. The ever-questing Gnome has pointed the way to this awesome bit of retro geekery: vinyl data. That's right: back in the day, a handful of artists actually encoded software onto their LPs, mostly for an old-school computer called the Sinclair Spectrum ZX. The user had to record the sound off the record onto a tape and then read the data off the tape. Geek-a-licious.

Starships to Scale Wednesday, June 21, 2006

So wonderfully geeky, I had to post it: Starship Dimensions, a site that compares ships from different science fiction worlds:

This site is intended to allow science fiction fans to get an impression of the true scale of their favorite science fiction spacecraft by being able to compare ships across genres, as well as being able to compare them with contemporary objects with which they are probably familiar.

Enterprise, Serenity, Rama, the Death Star... they're all there, drawn to scale. Never underestimate the ambition of a bored geek.

Death Star Energy Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Like Neil Simon did when he described Mississipi's weather as "Africa hot," I'm using a proper noun as a description of scale. Death Star energy is a lot of energy. Like a lot-lot. Enough to blow up a planet. But just how much energy is that? Luckily, we have bored geeks to answer these vital questions for us. Thanks to a link provided by Furrygoat, we now know that the Death Star had to generate about 2.4 × 10³² joules of energy in order to disperse the mass of Alderaan fast enough to overcome the forces of gravity keeping the planet together. If you don't believe me, you can check the math here.

Sure, 240 nonillion joules sounds like a big number, but just how big is that? Well, let's see. It's enough energy to power the entire world for a trillion years (based on 2001 numbers), about a tenth of the kinetic energy of the Earth as it hurtles around the sun in its orbit, or the equivalent of exploding over a quadrillion of the largest nuclear devices ever detonated simultaneously.